We spend a lot of time and energy trying to signal our worth to others. In the way that we dress and act. In what we say and buy. All that it shows is how much we doubt our own self worth.

Social fear

Yes, we are social animals with an evolutionary habit. The consequences to our ancestors of being cast out of a tribe for ‘not fitting in’ might have been personally catastrophic in the harsh wilderness. But, this is 2018. And, we are still haunted by such fears. Yet, they are not real in the same way. You could ask everyone to **** off (I wouldn’t recommend it) and still probably manage to get by.

The problem with this kind of social fear then is that you might not even be aware of how much it is nagging at you. How, outside of your conscious awareness, it is driving your behaviour and life choices. Pushing you constantly to prove yourself to others. Never feeling like you are good enough. Noticing its presence is the first step. It is then about seeing that you really do not need to be a victim to it.

And, that can be liberating, like setting down a heavy rocky you have been carrying for a long time. But, it requires vigilance, or you might pick the rock up again!


Needing to prove ourselves only betrays that we don’t really see our own self worth. In the same way that a cat does not need to demonstrate its fundamental self worth, you do not need to prove yours. To anybody.

And, if you dare to come from such a place of deeper self-acceptance, it becomes much easier to play the social games you may need to play. For example, wearing a nice suit to meetings (or the like). But, only because you empathise with your fellowman or because it is practically useful to look the part.

Not because your inherent worth depends on your peers validating you.

Find out more about Harsha’s work