A fundamental indicator of how comfortable you are in your own skin is the ability to just be with yourself — to sit with your thoughts and your feelings. To not have to rely on some activity, distraction or dopamine hit to feel at ease. To simply be comfortable with yourself, just as you are.

Not doing

It is often in the moments of not-doing — when we are not actively focused on a task —that thoughts and feelings, which might otherwise have remained hidden, arise within us. Just as the sea constantly rolls on to the shore, thoughts and feelings naturally arise within our minds and bodies. This is a biological truth. The question is; how aware of and comfortable are you with what arises?

If you always need something to occupy yourself with, this can easily turn into escapism. And, escapism is a form of running away from yourself. Because needing the distraction of some activity to save you from yourself is a sign that you are afraid to look! To look at what might be bubbling beneath the surface of what you habitually find comfort in.

The first step is to notice how you feel when not-doing anything. Perhaps, just sitting or walking, having a tea, or looking at a tree? How does it feel in those moments of ‘silence’? What thoughts are and feelings arise? How comfortable are you with what arises?

Towards being comfortable with yourself

Noticing what arises within you is the path to becoming more comfortable with yourself. It is a process of increasing awareness of your inner state. Your inner state that underlies your every activity, but often remains hidden outside of conscious awareness.

Ultimately, more awareness is the path to self-empowerment because it gives you choice. Choice that comes from seeing what would otherwise have been hidden!

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Harsha is a 1:1 coach and independent thinker based in London. He empowers people to find more clarity, confidence and focus in their lives — to cut through the noise, in a world so full of it. Harsha’s new book, Machine Ego: Tragedy of the Modern Mind, is now available in paperback and Kindle through Amazon.