Harsha's Life Blog
400+ articles on life, career and change
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To understand someone
"In order to understand any man, one must be deliberate and careful to avoid forming prejudices and mistaken ideas, which are very difficult to correct and get over afterwards”. These wise words from the protagonist’s mother, Pulcheria Raskolnikov, in Dostoevsky’s...
Double binds everywhere
Double binds can arise in the most unexpected places. What's more, they often operate without us being consciously aware that we are caught in them. The term, double bind, was coined in the 1950s by the pioneering scientist and thinker, Gregory Bateson. His idea is...
Hidden self-image
“It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it.” These simple yet profound words by the American writer and thinker, Upton Sinclair, can explain so much in the world. And, these words lend themselves to all...
Blinded by narratives
(Extract from Machine Ego) Human beings seem to have an evolved predisposition to create narratives. And, creating narratives relies on establishing causal links between events, things, concepts, people, and places — making mental connections along the lines of “this...
Don’t ignore your hang-ups
We've all got hang-ups. Certain topics or situations that are triggering. Often, the temptation is to ignore these, to sweep them under the carpet. The reality is that this is a very fertile area for growth and self-understanding. Don’t ignore your hang-ups....
A matter of chance
“One’s opinion is itself a matter of chance”, notes one of Kafka’s characters in the surreal and mind-bending tale of The Castle. But, how true this is for so many of us, much of the time! Matters of chance don’t just stop at opinion, they often extend to our deepest...
Flowing through time
The longer I live and the more I talk to people from different fields – philosophers and physicists, abstract mathematicians and musicians — the more empirically ungraspable reality seems. Whatever stability in our socio-economic systems we think we have, it is not...
The waiting game
Waiting for people (your boss, your friends, whomever) to change so that you can feel happy, is like waiting to win the lottery. It may happen, but chances are that this is quite unlikely. This waiting game is very likely a fool’s errand. Your agency Waiting is really...
Unexpected heat
If things are unexpectedly heating-up in a discussion, make sure that the other person has definitely understood precisely what you had intended to say. Especially, if what you are saying is quite mundane. It could be that you are just being misunderstood. Filters and...
Through the fog
We often spend time trying to understand the complex world we live in. But, how often do you spend time really trying to understand yourself? We create our world in our own image and there lies vast complexity within you if only you dare to explore it. Reflections Our...
Knowledge tribalism
Jung was not a Jungian. Keynes was not a Keynesian. Hayek was not Hayekian. Buddha was not a Buddhist. It is one thing to learn from the wise, it is quite another to restrict oneself to a particular school of thought when their supposed founders probably themselves...
Cult of individualism
The Me! Me! Me! cult of individualism is the apogee of modernity. We have abandoned traditions, religion and community in favour of dollar bills and the individual right to be whatever we want! Not that traditions and religion are all inherently good. I’m sure that we...
Unseen self-harm
Caution: Potentially emotionally disturbing self-harm references. The word self-harm conjures-up images of self-inflicted physical abuse. Arms slashed with razor blades and individuals plucking their own hair out. The pain of dealing with dark thoughts and emotions...
Disenfranchised
How disenfranchised does someone need to feel in order to loot a store for a couple of jumpers? Or to attack innocent store owners. One would expect any self-interested person that has a stake in society to instinctively not want to destroy their own community. What...
That free lunch
There's no free lunch in life. However, what we can do is to consciously decide what we pay for and to fully enjoy it. In this way, the apparent cost really becomes no cost at all! There’s no free lunch The phrase there’s no free lunch suggests that every decision has...
It may quack like a duck, but..
It may walk like a duck, look like a duck and quack like a duck. But, it may still not be a duck if it does not feel like a duck. Modernity’s obsession with analytical reasoning has its benefits, however it can become problematic when it leads to narrow, reductionist...
Obscuring the light within
Ask not how you can shine more. Rather, ask what obscures the light that is already within you. Often, we get in the way of ourselves, to curb what exists. To curb what is already bright but not allowed to be seen. A question incorrectly asked The question of "how to...
When coaching and mentoring converge
The difference between coaching and mentoring is not always clear cut. In fact, it can vary from being quite distinct to virtually the same depending on the focus. Coaching vs mentoring may be quite different things in the realm of “career”, but they can converge when...
Welcoming insults
Sometimes people think they are insulting you, but in your mind it's actually a compliment. Because the thing they accuse you of, is exactly what you are going for. However, this requires you to be very clear in your mind on if something is an insult or compliment! To...
Reveal your green
Our bamboo plant was looking dry a couple days ago and I was surprised to see it well today. It took me a second to notice it had just shed its dead leaves. Our habits and beliefs too can be like dead leaves. And some of these may have to be consciously shaken-off to...
Legend or lackey?
Where do you stand in your job? Are you killin’ it or are things looking precarious? There are many factors to consider of course. And, two that are absolutely fundamental to the quality of your overall employment experience are: (i) Skill and (ii) the relationship...
Too invested in an identity?
Becoming too invested in an identity, any identity, is ultimately fragile. It can keep you stuck in a place of fear and insecurity because you are constantly measuring yourself against this identity. Afraid of falling short that it becomes a source of constant tension...
Recognising our suffering
Our capacity to recognise the suffering of others is directly proportional to our capacity to recognise our own suffering. And, your capacity to recognise your suffering depends on how open you are to yourself. How open you are to the totality of your felt experience,...
A machine world
Our species has made huge material progress in recent times. Yet, the human experience in modernity is increasingly one of tension, unease and psychological fragility. We march forth with the determination of a robot army, but at what cost? Are we creating a machine...
The ego and self
“Who am I? What is this idea of self that I hold?” Your sense of self can so easily become confused with the ego. It is the ego that creates limiting beliefs around who- you-are and how you should behave. It is the ego that defines you as this and as that, as it...
Homo Narcissus, Economicus and Idiotus
We may have adopted the lofty quality of sapience (being wise) as our defining characteristic. It is far from clear however if we deserve it. For, sapience must be exercised. It is one possibility amongst many and we seem to have forgotten our capacity for it. It is...
Lay down that heavy rock
Letting go of needing to prove yourself is like laying down a heavy rock that you have been carrying on your back. It liberates. Entire lives We can live our entire lives trying to satisfy society’s arbitrary benchmarks of success. Benchmarks that revolve around...
Too fast to handle
The pace of modern life is fast. Hardly anyone would disagree with this. What is far less appreciated is that the pace is actually getting measurably faster! And, such acceleration means that when we do fall, we fall harder. How things scale In his phenomenal work,...
Your beliefs are everything
The deeper beliefs behind our actions are often hidden away, outside our task-oriented conscious awareness. Yet, your beliefs drive so much of what you do. Living in the unconscious, your beliefs determine the very fundamentals of how you view yourself and the world...
Apologist for bad management?
Want to lead better? Don’t be an apologist for bad management and bureaucracy. These problems are inherent to big corporate structures. And, the more you deny them, the worse things get. Trickle down The large size of big-corporates inevitably produces clumsy...
Giving up too early
We can sometimes make a lot of effort in service of something with nothing to show for it. Whether it is acquiring a new skill, building a business or personal transformation. And, that can be very discouraging. There are many reasons for something to not work. But,...
The lazy fix
Everyday seems to be international something or the other day. The danger with these things is that they can end-up being a lazy fix. A way of paying token attention to issues that really require much deeper consideration. Lazy fix What’s more, we might even feel good...
Playing the fool or being the fool?
It is one thing to get a qualification or a diploma because it grants you entry through some gate — perhaps corporate employment. It is quite another thing to actually believe that you are automatically smarter or learned by virtue of it. Understanding this is the...
Anti-contentment movement?
The less you take for granted, the more joy you will find in the everyday. Even things as certain as the sun that shines can be marvelled at, for it is really quite remarkable — it makes all life possible. There is so much to be appreciated, but so little appreciation...
The power of unlearning
Many of us ask ourselves what we can learn every day. But, how often do you ask yourself what you can unlearn? The value of learning is self-evident, except when what you learn is not very useful, but that’s another topic. What is far less obvious is the power of...
Beware of single metrics, except..
Relying only on a single metric to evaluate something is almost always a bad idea. Single metrics inevitably fail to capture the many different aspects of a situation. They can so easily make us focus on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. However, when it...
Prisoner of your own mind
There are many kinds of prison, but none more tormenting than the mental prisons we put ourselves in. Mental prisons that feel as real as those made of bricks and bars. That feel equally difficult to break out of such that you become a prisoner of your own mind. The...
Your lockdown exit strategy
Governments are starting to talk about exiting lockdown. But, what about your lockdown exit strategy? I am not talking about the essentials of mask wearing and avoiding gatherings. I am talking about what life you decide to go back to in the coming weeks and months....
Whatever happened to nuance?
Nuance seems to have all but fallen out of the public discourse today. Black and white thinking and polarised views seem to attack each other ignoring the fact that things rarely are that simple. Oversimplification is a killer I find it incredible that many seem...
The story you believe about yourself
The more you become invested in some idea of who you are, the more difficult it is to learn and to grow. There’s you and there’s the story you believe about you. And, the two are not the same. Partial The stories we often tell about ourselves are very rudimentary....
Having difficult conversations
Life is full of difficult conversations. We encounter so many of these that it is something worth improving on. In fact, this blog post was inspired by someone who asked what the “best way” to get better at having difficult conversations is. I am not sure that there...
The enemy of truth
Wanting to be right is the enemy of truth. It can distort your judgement and blind you. Because you are more interested in ‘winning’, rather than in getting to the bottom of things. Deeper commitment Your enquiry has to go deeper then. Beyond ego insecurities around...
Quality of your attention is everything
The quality of your attention is everything when it comes to engaging with others. This is true whether you are having intense business dealings or chatting with a friend. Attending Attention is about how you attend and be present to the person and what they are...
Like a hall of mirrors
Many of us want to be able to read people better, to sense their intentions and motives so we are less likely to get caught out. Somewhat counterintuitively though, this is a skill that arises from really knowing yourself. Because the mind is like a hall of mirrors....
So smart yet so stupid
Humans do amazing things, but we can also be supremely stupid. Other animals do less-amazing things perhaps, but they are also less stupid. We seem to be so smart yet so stupid. Who we are This is both the human gift and the human curse, the interconnected duality of...
Like a dog chasing its tail
We are obsessed with growth for the sake of growth in modernity, whether it is the new start-up, the economy or an individual's relationship to themselves. The pace and focus of life today seems to hand this script to us as the default option, such that we can so...
Uncharacteristic?
Uncharacteristic behaviour may be a sign of uncharacteristic events. If someone you know reacts or responds to you in a way that seems odd to you, chances are that there is something going on behind the scenes. And, the stronger the emotion that you experience, the...
Untitled
UNTITLED is the beginning of every endeavour or new project. Untitled marks entry into a fertile realm of discovery and possibility. You may not yet have the exact words to describe what you are doing, precisely because it is still unfolding. So, how can you? It is...
What status symbols do you value most?
What status symbols do you value most (material or non-material)? Perhaps your job, house, public profile, car or even your moral conduct? And, before you dismiss the question as not being applicable to you, consider that we are all drawn to status by virtue of being...
Becoming who you are
No two things are the same. Even two leaves on the same tree, while similar in many ways will have their own distinct size, shape and patterning, no matter how subtle. The same is true of human beings. Just ask parents with twins. They begin to notice their babies’...