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Dissent in your team is very informational
If you have to set rules/standards that your team does not embrace — you either have the wrong approach or the wrong people. Or worse still, both. For, the right people and the appropriate approach will automatically bring alignment. So, any dissent in your team is...
Review of Noise by Kahneman
Thought I’d do a short review of ‘Noise’ by Kahneman, Sibony and Sunstein, based on a few notes I took. Authors distinguish between system Bias (average error) and system Noise (standard deviation) when judgement accuracy is definable and desirable (e.g. medical...
Understanding does not mean inaction
Just because you ‘understand’ someone’s behaviour, doesn’t mean you agree or have to put up with it. It is precisely because you understand that you take action. So, understanding does not mean inaction. Understanding does not mean that you have to let other people...
Growth mindset?
The pace of modernity where everything (material wealth, knowledge, entertainment) is growing makes us automatically think that everything MUST grow. That the increase of things (growth) is automatically better. Such that it becomes an unconscious habit, something we...
Supporting people to grow
Supporting people to grow and supporting organisations to grow are not the same thing. While they may help each other, the former often takes second place or worse, becomes a front. And, the bigger the scale, the bigger the danger is. What is the point of just growing...
To rush, or not to rush?
As long as you feel rushed in life, you will never find ease, enjoyment or mastery in anything you do. One needs time for things to breathe and to emerge. This is the fertile void that constant busy-ness pulls you away from. Always being in a rush is a curse, and it...
Humour in coaching
When I refer to humour in coaching, I am not talking about telling jokes. Particularly, if telling jokes is not your natural style. Otherwise, you risk ending up like one of those novice presenters whose first-time attempt at humour falls flat on its face. So, this is...
The value of negative knowledge
Negative knowledge is about knowing what does not work and what to avoid. And the value of negative knowledge cannot be stressed enough in a modern world that is so full of noise. One that drowns you with a daily dose of nonsense. So, knowing what is wrong is vital,...
Shared clarity
Many difficulties in relationships, both professional and personal, arise because of a mismatch in expectations. The more shared clarity you seek then, the more chance you have of building something enduring based on trust. Foundation of trust Creating shared...
Difficult coaching client?
There is no such thing as a difficult coaching client. And, this applies more generally to other therapeutic fields such as counselling and psychotherapy. If the person has difficulties, that is precisely why they have come to you! A window The ‘difficulty’ that you...
What movie are you unconsciously living?
People are often unconsciously living out scripts handed down to them — by their parents, by their teachers, by their communities. We are all in some movie or the other, and greater awareness about this brings greater choice. Unconsciously living out scripts We are...
To have your cake and eat it
Much of life is about avoiding trying to have your cake and eat it. Trying to reconcile things that cannot be reconciled, or trying to separate things that cannot be separated. In other words, trying do the impossible. More common that you might think And, life is...
Become the best version of yourself
‘Become the best version of yourself’ is another one of those hollow, mottoes of modernity. It seems like an attractive slogan because it calls you to better yourself and to improve. However, its attractiveness soon loses its glitter when you dig a little deeper into...
Celebrating insights that challenge you
If you have an insight into yourself that unsettles and challenges you — celebrate it! It is much better to become awake to your life, than be trapped in a Sisyphean struggle. A struggle where you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Change begins...
Leadership coaching is bullshit
Much of leadership coaching is bullshit that peddles the hollowness of Hollywood dreams. It is better described as ‘how to generate false bravado and hot air in order to float into some position of authority’. Typically, this happens in some big corporate setting....
People who make you feel bad
What impact do the people in your life have on you? If someone makes you feel like sh*t why put up with it? Sometimes, we need to set-up boundaries for our own health. Boundaries that protect you from people who make you feel bad. Noticing the people who make you...
To really know yourself
To really know yourself is to notice your inner state, in the same way that a skilled painter notices colour. It is about being awake to subtle shades and shifts in your feelings and motivations. About really attuning yourself to both body and mind. And, such noticing...
Don’t be a moaner
Vent, if you need to, but don’t be a moaner. What’s the difference you ask? Venting vs moaning Venting is a releasing of pent-up feelings and frustrations that are probably better let out. Feelings that perhaps you prefer to deny and bottle-up, often non-consciously....
Wisdom is like a vaccine
Wisdom is like a vaccine. It protects against confusion and noise that prevent you from living well. And, in the way that a vaccine works against a particular disease, wisdom becomes wisdom in relation to a particular problem. However, unlike a vaccine, wisdom can...
Finding the right people
A large part of life is about finding the right people for you. The people that you would like to work with and hang out with. Who are the right people? The good news is that there is nothing intrinsically ‘right’ (or wrong) about the right people...
Coaching is a process for enabling self-knowledge
Coaching is a process for enabling self-knowledge. And, the first step in coaching involves YOU taking personal responsibility. In really taking ownership of your life. What is self-knowledge? Self-knowledge is about, you, attuning to yourself as a person and how...
Become anything you want to be
“Become anything you want to be!” — one of modernity’s mottoes — is so utterly confusing. Become anything you want to be This is the terrible advice that we so often hear being given, especially to young people. But, it begs the question: become WHAT exactly?...
When words get in the way
What is most easily articulated is not necessarily what is most important. Yet, we are often suckers for this. We can focus on the wrong things to our detriment and elevate false indicators above the actual things of value themselves. Whether it is grades above true...
Don’t decide before you need to decide
Sometimes, we can torment ourselves unnecessarily about decisions that are to come. Decisions that you expect to have to make in the future. You may ruminate and ruminate, forgetting that you don’t have to decide before you need to decide. Control There may even be...
Not being present
Insight from today’s coaching: Sometimes, it is not time spent that is the problem, but rather the quality of time spent. The problem is not being present. Cost of not being present If you are distracted and not present with people, especially your loved ones, no...
On free will and determinism
The question of free will vs determinism has confounded philosophers both modern and pre-modern. And, like most heated philosophical questions that have been around for a long-time, it is either answerable or has a false premise. Hidden assumption I will show that...
Do I need coaching?
The question of, “do I need coaching”, is one to which I will offer an unconventional answer. You may need coaching if you think you need it. Meaning, if you have something that you really want to explore, then it may help you. Coaching is not chocolate So, if...
Why change doesn’t stick
We sometimes have important realisations about ourselves, about behaviours and habits we would like to change. Realisations that could become catalysts for real personal change. Yet, much of the time, we get nowhere. Our insights are soon forgotten and life is back to...
How to overcome negative emotions
How to overcome negative emotions is a question whose answer is in the words of the question itself. For, it is in viewing certain emotions as ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ that the root of the problem lies. By creating a duality, we create a war within ourselves — a war...
Coaching is about enabling clarity
If you ask a hundred different coaches “what coaching is” you will probably get a hundred different answers. For me, coaching is about enabling clarity. Clarity about yourself and what stops you from finding real confidence and focus in your life. Enabler of...
Like a boss
It is said that King Wei of Chu (4th century BC), having heard of the sage, Chuang Tzu, sent a messenger with gifts to invite him to be chief minister. Chuang Tzu merely laughed and said: "Go away, do not defile me...I prefer the enjoyment of my own free will". He...
Anxious about anxiety
How to overcome anxiety is a question that is increasingly being asked. And, its prevalence tells us a lot about life in modernity. About how the many pressures of our competitive, urban environments can cause inner tension and worry within us. Luckily, we have choice...
Not a straight line
Many things in life are not linear. There may be a (long) incubation period before something — an idea or a skill — comes into fruition. Just as a new leaf develops for a while as a bud, before opening to reveal its form. Patience and the process In the human realm,...
Negation is not endorsement
Just because I doubt the rigour of a (negative) statement about X, that does not mean I have any (positive) view about X. Negation is NOT endorsement. Negation is negation. Yet, many seem unable to grasp this. Clinging to beliefs People are often so invested in their...
Recharging just to drain yourself
We, moderns, are so obsessed with achieving that even leisure is required to have a purpose. To serve as “recharging”, so that one can do even more achieving! Yet, this is a form of recharging just to drain yourself again. Living in order to work It is as if...
Iron Law of Bureaucracy
When I first read Jerry Pournelle’s iron law of bureaucracy, I felt he had given words to a deep truth. A truth that I, and probably many of you, can confirm from lived experience within organisations. The Iron Law Pournelle’s iron law considers organisations as...
Optionality in doing what you love
Beyond the joy of it, there is embedded optionality in doing what you love. If things really work out commercially, you gain (if such gains interest you that is). If not, you are doing what deeply interests you anyway! Shift in mindset So, the optionality in doing...
Putting-up a front
Everyone puts up a front, the only question is how much? It may be a big front some of the time, a bit of a front all of the time, or any mixture in between. Whatever the particular flavour, putting up a front is behaviour that is deeply human. I do it, you do it, we...
Cat as coach?
Someone recently asked me if after a few coaching sessions they would be able to ‘get things on track’. My response, which will not surprise some of you, was that the answer is unknowable —maybe, maybe not. I pointed out the epistemic uncertainty around if my...
No.1 survival skill in modernity
Being able to cut through the noise is the No.1 survival skill in modernity. In our information age of vast and mass communication, we must either cut through noise or else drown in it. Inherent property Generating patterns and narratives is an inherent property of...
The good life
With every inch of material advancement, we seem to be adding a mile of psychological derangement. Despite our material progress, or perhaps because of it, modernity is producing more-and-more chronic anxiety and mental tension. It is as if our species’ very success...
Declutter your mind
We can clutter our minds in the same way that we clutter our homes. And the result is very much the same. Feeling cramped for space, confusion around where things are, wasted energy and frustration. Luckily, decluttering your mind is much simpler than you might...
Inner freedom in the everyday
How can we live with a sense of inner freedom? To feel like life isn’t an uphill struggle with foes to vanquish at every turn. The truth is, you often stand in your shadow, and you just need to get out of your own way. But, the mind is a tricky customer that loves to...
Corporate employment is like school
I’ve been thinking a lot about how corporate employment is much like school. It shares so many of the undesirable features of mainstream education that it’s kind of scary. And, I am not sure what’s worse— that corporate employment is like school, or that school is...
Everything is useful, everything is useless
Through the use of logic, you see the limits of logic. Through the limits of logic, you see the use of logic. Everything is useful in some way and useless in another. So, you cannot ask a fish to cross the Serengeti in the same way that cannot ask a cheetah to swim...
What really inspires you?
I’ve discussed the value of asking what you would do if money wasn’t a problem in relation to career change. But, figuring out what really inspires you is not always easy. In today’s blog, I offer a few ideas to try and tease out what may be too shy to show itself. ...
Your deeper motivation
The deeper motivation for doing what you do is everything. It is the engine that powers the entire process. It is the driving force behind all that unfolds and as such, you must get to know it. To see it and really understand it. So, what are your real motivations for...
Ouroboros of mind
Many psychological knots are self-perpetuating — like Ouroboros, the serpent that eats its own tail. We often become anxious about anxiety, sad about sadness, and fearful of fear. Psychological knots What makes psychological knots, knotty, is that you are attempting...
No passion, no problem
I’ve always had a strong sense for what inspires me, for what I want to do with my time. The key constraints in my life, once upon a time, were time and energy. This was fundamentally why I decided to do my own thing a few years ago. What has become clearer to me over...
Saints and sinners
I recently read that Stanley Milgram’s controversial electric-shock experiment from the early 60’s was faked. Apparently, he massively cherry-picked the data to fit his narrative. Milgram claimed to have shown how obedience to authority led people to do unconscionable...