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Signalling your worth
We spend a lot of time and energy trying to signal our worth to others. In the way that we dress and act. In what we say and buy. All that it shows is how much we doubt our own self worth.Social fearYes, we are social animals with an evolutionary habit....
A meditation on leadership
“What is true leadership?” is a question I have struggled with for many years. And, the more that I reflected on it, the more difficult it seemed to put my finger on what it actually is.I have always known what true leadership is not. How fake ideas of...
Deciding what to decide
What if all the little decisions you make on a daily basis are stopping you from really considering the ones that matter? From consciously deciding the deepest most fundamental aspects of your life? Decision making in a complex world is part of modern...
To be, or not to be (a cat)?
I nearly fell down the stairs as I walked under this billboard into the Seoul underground. What made Kang Daniel become a cat? Was it to sell more concert tickets and song downloads? Was it the craziness of the K-Pop industry? Was it pressure from his...
Don’t become an android
Recently, someone invited me to a social thing that I didn’t want to go to. Luckily, I was coaching that afternoon, so I replied that I was “working”. However, I hesitated momentarily mid-sentence, which made my genuine excuse seem like a falsehood. But, what really...
Something is NOT better than nothing
We often talk about making positive change. New initiatives, practices and habits that are additive. And, that’s wonderful. What I want to talk about today is the flip side of the same coin - cutting out the sh*t in your life. Cutting out the sh*t Cutting...
Seeking the truth
Seeking the truth, if there is such a thing as the truth, is: Not about being right Not about proving your point Not about avoiding complexity Not about greed Not about winning or losing Not about virtue signalling Not about advancing your social status...
Like Chinese water torture
Recently, I have started to notice more and more the dangers of emotional shutdown at work. How the environment of 9-to-5 (or 9-to-11 for some) can cause serious emotional disconnection from life itself. Numbness I left the intense world of private equity...
Digital messiah
Technology is a beautiful thing and tremendously useful. But, a bit like a knife, it can hurt us if we are not extremely careful. I had dinner with an old friend last night who also happens to be a machine learning and AI expert. And, what I heard made me...
So simple, yet so difficult
I was having a chat with the barista at my favourite local coffee spot in East London today. And, we got talking about life, as you do. Baristas and bartenders often fulfil the dual role of beverage provider and therapist. As we talked, he went on to say...
The point of strategy
Having a vision, a strategy, is so important. Whether the realm in question is business or life, it is very useful to have an orientation. To know what inspires you and what you are aiming for. However, we have to also be mindful that we don’t get...
Negative space
I recently became fascinated with an artwork that was all about negative space — that is the space surrounding and in between the central figure. Initially the viewer’s attention is captured by the presenting figure, the so called positive space. However, by slightly...
ROI in Coaching: A bogus concept
The executive coaching world is full of articles about coaching ROI (return on investment), touting the benefits of coaching in boosting your company's performance in this and that way, with return on investment of such and such %. ROI is then the latest buzz word in...
The avoidance game
Life is full of problems of different types. And, solving problems, at least the more technical ones, is one of humankind’s greatest skills. Sometimes, though, you might jump too quickly to look for solutions. And, this can become part of a self-created avoidance...
Change is a path
We focus so much on end results sometimes that we can often forget about the means we employ. You might forget to find joy and fulfilment in how you go about engaging in the process. And, when this happens, the means themselves can become the very thing that stands in...
Substitution or tansformation?
When people think about career change there is often a tendency to start with too narrow a focus. To limit themselves too quickly to labels and titles in a familiar industry, because after all, it is only natural to gravitate to the familiar. I suppose where you look...
Playing it safe
Playing it safe is what most of us do much of the time. Don’t take risks, don’t stir things up, just play it safe. This is the message of caution that so many of us are conditioned with throughout our lives. Programmed Such caution probably helped our ancestors...
Holiday Reading
My holiday reading list is back this year with new titles that I have personally found to be tremendously insightful. Sapiens - A brief history of humankind (2014) by Yuval Harari Sapiens takes the top spot. Harari discusses the development of human societies since...
The voice of vanity
A recent coaching session really made me think about how societal pressure to “achieve” might derail us. How widespread status seeking in our culture might embolden the voice of vanity within us. It made me think about how this voice can easily lead us down a...
Stuckness: How we disconnect
Music is a big passion of mine and I sing a bit. What I realised recently is how difficult it is to make the voice really soar if I don’t truly connect to it. It almost feels like singing itself is not possible if it doesn’t originate from a place of meaning and...
In her shoes as “her”
One of my coaching clients described beautifully today what he had realised to be the error we often make when putting ourselves in the shoes of others. He pointed out the difference between a superficial kind of standing-in-her-shoes and a deeper investigation. Are...
Are you inviting trouble?
When we talk about the art of influencing and effecting change, people often explore how words and actions have impact. Much of the discourse is around what can be said and what actions can be taken. And, indeed these can be useful interventions. But, what I want to...
Habituated unawareness
Habituation happens when repeated exposure to a stimulus reduces an organism's response to it. Habituation is observed throughout the natural world; from single celled organisms to birds and human beings. And, indeed it is something that is fundamental to...
On being busy
I have had an unusually busy Summer this year and this has left me feeling slightly exhausted. Being busy is not something I particularly enjoy, in fact, I actively try to not be too busy. But, what I found to be most interesting is how people seemed to applaud me...
Figures from the past
We are naturally shaped by our experiences as human beings. And, particularly difficult experiences from your past may have left stronger imprints on you, often without your full awareness. Imprints that might unconsciously dictate how you react to potentially similar...
The scripts we live
Conflicts in professional relationships are part and parcel of work life. At one level, conflicts seem inherent within the complexity that characterises teams. But, at another level, perhaps these conflicts are more frequent and long-lived than necessary. Sometimes,...
Searching for normality
Most of us have encountered the "normality" question in some shape or form at some point in our lives. Perhaps, it was to do with not being normal enough, perhaps it was around wanting to be different. Some strive towards normality, others strive to avoid it. But, is...
Looking for success within
There is a danger that in our culture today we might define ourselves by external benchmarks of what success should look like. By the accolades, status and wealth we accumulate. The force of such influences in your life might be so strong that they lead you to derive...
As above, so below
When faced with difficulties within an organisational team or with a particular individual, you may be tempted to look for the cause where the symptom appears. You have to remember though that often problems have a wider context. You have to consider that the...
That dress is not for cycling in
"That dress is not designed for cycling in" shouted an adult minding a little girl who had decided to have a go on a bicycle in the park. And her response, "I know", as she confidently rode on, was just perfect. I chuckled to myself as I walked by, but what I...
Knowing your emotional triggers
We are all emotionally activated and agitated by different things and to different degrees. For some, it might be noticing arrogance, for others it might be hearing a particular tone of voice. And, sometimes your trigger might even be something seemingly mundane, such...
The winner’s curse
It sometimes happens that the better you are at your job, the less-and-less time you seem to have. The more effectively you execute your duties, the more you are called upon to do even more. It is truly the winner's curse. More and more Clients, bosses and colleagues...
When to use a coach
The question of "when to use an executive coach" can seem tricky at first glance. It is also one that attracts numerous confusing explanations. Today, I offer three considerations: stuckness, willingness and importance, which provide a simple framework for answering...
Sometimes, we need to rock the boat
We are often told not to rock the boat. To let sleeping dogs lie. And, behind such words usually lies the belief that disruption is bad and that nothing good will ever come out of upheaval. So, you might begin to fear disruption even when it is integral to creating...
Know thyself…or so it is said
This old adage has been doing the rounds for a very very long time. But, what do we really make of this idea — to "know thyself". What are we really trying to know? The what Know thyself could be read as a well intended piece of ancient wisdom around generally...
Everyone is a person
The pressures of modern work life can sometimes cause you to reduce people to numbers. To reduce your customers, colleagues and stakeholders to faceless entities. You may forget that actually everyone is a person. Anonymity The pressure to get financial results can...
It’s usually not just one thing
When faced with something that needs explaining, it's very tempting to search for that one cause that is the answer. That one person you can blame or praise — the hero or villain. Things are rarely that simple, particularly when human beings are involved. And more...
A better discourse
At a time when soundbites and dumbed down messages are the norm, taking shortcuts becomes very tempting. Rather than look deeper, you might settle for skimming the surface. Rather than present a nuanced view, you might find it easier to provide a less accurate...
The slippery slope of perfectionism
Perfectionism is one of those ideas that has come to mean different things to different people. Some view it as a character trait that is the basis for excellence, others view it as the crippling voice of doubt and anxiety. And, both are true, because both are...
Meeting people where they are
Sometimes we can feel like we've not made ourselves clear enough or that our message was not heard, and at times this can result from not meeting people where they are. While you can always bring more clarity to what you are saying, remember that those you are...
On expectations
The expectations we have in our personal and professional relationships can often become the source of conflict and discontent. We may 'expect' things from other people and when these expectations are not met, we are disappointed. Understanding expectations Not having...
Enabling high functioning teams
What makes high functioning teams? To answer this question, we first need to recognise what we are dealing with at a very basic level — human beings who have come together from varied walks of life to form a relationship system. A system of interacting and...
Integrating the past
The desire to set objectives, design strategies and move forward is a familiar feature of modern living. From personal initiatives to organisational targets, the focus is very much on the future. The past is so often forgotten or brushed over because our sights are...
The duality of knowing
There is a big difference between theory and practice. Words and action. Regurgitating from memory and deep understanding. How we "know" things matters. Rationally and intellectually appreciating something is not the same as deep knowing with every fabric of your...
Just because it’s offered
I was on the London underground this afternoon and noticed how so many people read unsavoury tabloid newspapers just because they are handed out free. It made me think of how we can so easily lapse into passivity in different areas in our lives. We don't always have...
The perfect way to say thank you is..
I noticed those words on a sign as I walked past a gift shop earlier today and it made me think. The perfect way to say "thank you" is to just say "thank you". And, mean it. Gestures and gifts are a wonderful way of showing someone that we care for and value them....
Is it a smoke screen?
The use of distractions and diversion tactics is unfortunately common place in politics and in business. Designed to disguise what is really going on, such smoke screens aim to deceive and mislead. While it is one thing to be misled by politicians and unscrupulous...
The worst case scenario
Thinking of the worst case scenario is often a natural part of planning a new initiative. What could go wrong? How bad will it be? Certainly useful questions. The problems arise when we get stuck in the worst case scenario and lose sight of the bigger picture. Stuck...
Don’t waste your ideas
If you want to bounce new ideas off someone find a person who is genuinely willing to engage. Someone who gets you and what you are trying to do. Otherwise new ideas can end up like seeds that do not grow due to lack of attention. The right people You may have...
I forgot I had my shades on
I was meeting a friend yesterday and looking for a particular coffee shop. Twice, I walked past what looked like a not-in-use building where the cafe was supposed to be. Feeling lost, I was about to telephone my friend but happened to take my sun glasses off at that...